Here's something I want to share. While cancer is not a diagnosis I would ever want again, it did stop me in my tracks and help me to see life much differently.
I'm sitting here with tear filled eyes reading about a woman who is living her last moments due to cancer. God's peace is surrounding her. Her husband and children are with her. And they take each moment as it comes and make the most of it. Time is used to spend with each other. Not one second is taken for granted. I remember when the moments were precious, when death had lost it's sting, and when I realized my days were numbered. One would think there'd be fear filling those last moments, but that's not what I recall. I just remember the peace and the joy lived in those moments. As the diagnosis gets farther into history, life goes on. I rush. The playful moments get put on hold...for tomorrow. I forget that I'm only promised this moment that I'm in, and I forget that I need to make the very most of this moment. The dirt can wait. The disorder can stay. But, what is ever so fleeting is the moments with my family, the moments living this life I've been given. My heart is heavy - Partly because there's a young woman living her last days, knowing she's about to leave her precious husband and girls behind and partly because I've been there, yet I've forgotten how to live in the moment. Fear of death creeps in. The rush of the American life takes over....and life has become difficult again. Thankfully God offers many do overs. And, I think I'm at one now. While my heart is heavy, it's one of those "good" heavy hearted times. Time to try again and truly live in each moment of this amazingly precious life. I woke up this morning to the sound of little girls (3 adopted-2 from an orphanage in Eastern Europe, 1 from the states, and 1 biological) singing about Jesus's love and Jesus coming from Heaven. One lyric said,
"Jesus, you are so good. Jesus, you came down to a Momma and Daddy. You got a momma and daddy just like I did. Just like me, you got a momma and daddy." I woke up sore. I think we need a new box spring! HA! But, I was so very encouraged hearing that this morning. Then our oldest shared a dream she had last night. In her dream, it was her birthday, and I gave her wings as a gift. They were real wings. When she put them on, she could fly. She said, after her birthday I would ask her to fly up and look out over the land and tell me where our friends were and when they'd arrive at our house. I read so many articles of people who were adopted and talk about how they aren't "lucky" to be adopted. Some -not all- of these articles are very discouraging to this very imperfect adoptive momma. If there's anything my kids know about me, it's that i'm not perfect - only Jesus is - but I love them dearly. Whether they are from my body or another's doesn't ever cross my mind in the day to day moments, as it only crosses my mind when someone asks. I just love them, each of them, and their very different personalities. ***As I'm writing this, J (adopted from EE 1 year and 6 months ago) came to ask me if I wanted to know a secret. I said, "Yes!". He hugged me so tight, whispered in my ear that he loves me, and kissed my neck. After thinking about the discouraging articles that I've read recently, THIS just lightened my heart every so much!** Back to H's dream: Deep inside I wondered if she feels like coming home has given her wings to look out over the "land" and be anything she desires to be, wings that will allow her to know Jesus and how much He loves her. Oh, dear God, please help me to raise them up in Your Love and Goodness. May it flow from me, their Momma, and Chris, their Daddy, in a way that reflects and honors You, God. In our many weaknesses, Lord, be the strength that overcomes. And raise up 10 (or more if You will give us more) Jesus loving, God glorifying, mighty, strong in You, Loving, creative, hard working warriors in the army of our Great God. Psalm 127:4-5New International Version (NIV)4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court. We had an amazing Christmas, and I'll update about that in the coming days. I almost can't believe the blessings and provision God provided. I just haven't had the time to post much lately. BUT, we have gotten our house completely orderly over the holidays. After selling our other house, our stuff remained in boxes in our garage. Then we gave most of that away to a family adopting and having a sale, but our homeschooling stuff got shoved into the school room. Just so you can picture what I mean, we couldn't walk into our school room - not even a path. It was off limits. Both our garage and school room (and those other rooms that get flooded with stuff from time to time) are completely orderly and usable. It's refreshing, to put it lightly. I so want to share our Christmas with you, so please stay tuned. |
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November 2017
AuthorI'm Brooke - Daughter of the King, Wife to a loving husband, mother to 10 sweet blessings, teacher, cleaning lady, cook, and COO of the Lusher Family. Categories |