- We recently went to see Thaddeus Rex. Most of our children are pictured with him above. E is in there too, just behind someone. The kids took a while to warm up... but they soon were jamming to the silly tunes. Afterward, a friend, who was also there with her kiddos, blessed us with his cd. She's such a sweet sweet lady! She has no idea how much I admire her! The kids tell me all the time that they love his silly music.
- We took a field trip to a local museum. I was very pleased that I parallel parked our 14 passenger van on a busy street downtown and didn't hit a single car! The kids got little bats after learning how they are made. Here's a picture of us in the museum portion. I was concerned with how calm our children who were recently adopted could be, since they still lack the self control that is expected at this age. I coached them for days working up to this event, and I was so very pleased with their behavior. And what a treat it was to have them come home and play baseball. It was so cold outside that I didn't go out. They didn't mind and just hit the ball around. I watched from the glass door, and they came to me each time they were able to hit it. Of course, it took a lot of coaching to let them know that the bat was ONLY for hitting balls, nothing more.
- As we approached Valentine's Day, we filled our days with learning about love and kindness. Conversations of how we can be kind each day and show love even when we are rushed and "out of time." There's always a chance to show love and kindness.
This sparked ideas of making cards for people who are sick. Our Joe Joe was sick, so we made cards for him. He's since gone on to be with Jesus. The kids still will pray for him, then they remember that he's OK now and with Jesus. With the amount of Russian we learned and the amount of English our children, who were originally from Ukraine, now speak, we were able to get a deep conversation in about life after death. We talked about how we feel about Joe Joe dying, how we may cry and feel very sad, and that's all very OK. But, we don't have to cry about how sad Joe Joe is or about where he is because we know He's all better now - there's no cancer, and Joe Joe gets to be with all the doggies in Heaven...and we know how much Joe Joe loves doggies. The kids day dreamed about how Joe Joe is no longer in pain, and they said he's running everywhere with Jesus and all of Heaven's doggies. But then our conversation took a turn. My children are deep thinkers, and they turned and looked at me with a deep concern in their eyes and asked, "But what about those who didn't obey Jesus, Momma?" S asked, "What about the people in the ground that we pass in the van? What about the ones who don't love and obey Jesus, Mommy?" Such concern for such little tender hearts. S has had the greatest transformation. I can't believe that I was once afraid of this gentle, considerate, and helpful little darling. She has watched our biological oldest child, A, and has learned so much from her natural gentle nature.
As Valentine's Day approached, we also talked about things we could do as a family for others, like making food. A typical day in the kitchen includes me and at least 3 children, usually 4, preparing meals. This is a great way for us to show love to someone together. So, as the love day approached, we showed love by making meals for others. I love that my kids were able to think of doing this on their own, then put it on their calendars and get excited as the day approached. They just couldn't wait to share food with someone in need.
We discussed fruit, and the kids got a good kick out of the pretend apples that grew from my arms. Of course, we don't grow fruit like that, but we grow "Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness faithfulness, gentleness and self control" in our hearts. Because I'm far from perfect in any of these, it was a good discussion and opportunity for me to express to them how I'm growing, how they are growing, and how we are here to help each other grow our fruit.
And then the day of love came. I had prepared a little bit for each child, and I was happy with what we had gotten them. I knew they'd be grateful, even if it was just a couple things. Then a new friend came by and dropped off some things with some additional treasures for Valentine's Day. It was exciting to give the kids a little more. We woke up the next morning, and I'd already set everything out and gotten Daddy's treat ready. I went to get dressed. When I came down, I found that Daddy had decorated even more, Roses were on the table, he'd added a table cloth, balloons were everywhere, and each child got 2 puzzles that daddy found for VERY cheap. I was very impressed! I'm usually the one preparing for birthdays and holidays, and I've been noticing that he's been doing more and more in the last year. I was floored that he'd gotten each of us something and snuck around to even decorate without me knowing. This was - by far - the best Valentine's Day. All of us together, doing what we can to think of each other, prepare a surprise, and take the opportunity to love on each other. And, to top it off, Lowes had one of those free Valentine's Day crafts! So, off we went! We usually do all of Home Depot's and Lowe's free crafts, but we've stopped because we weren't sure if we could handle all 9 kids ages 4 - 10, nails, and hammers....not to mention that Momma's not able to bend over quite as easily with the little peanut growing inside. But it all went very well. I'm so pleased with the team we have become.
- Then, we got snowed in...
Our appointment was rescheduled, and we know that we are having a...
~ BOY ~
I love surprises, but not this kind. I'm so glad we were able to find out the day we went in! Everything looks perfect, every hand is there, and every finger and toe accounted for.
- As the ultrasound tech counted and told us how good the baby looked, our children began to ask why she would tell us such things. I let them know that babies aren't always born with everything, and sometimes they aren't ok. Then I asked them, but does that really matter with us? They all smiled and said, "No, Momma, because we want them anyway. They are gifts from God!" For the rest of that day and the next, my children asked a lot of questions. They wanted to know if some people don't want the babies that are born "not ok." I said yes, and we talked about abortion. It became an opportunity to hear their thoughts, and they were sad about the facts of abortion. But then our conversation went to adoption, and I shared with them a little girl who was heavy on my heart named Ebba who is listed on Reece's Rainbow. They wanted to see her picture and began to pray that she could come home to our family. I reminded them that we are having a baby, we'd need quite a bit of money, and all the effort that we'd need to put into an adoption. They knew that later would be a better time, so they prayed that a family would rescue her. And, they'd always add, "And, if it's ok with you, could we go to her, Jesus? Please let us go to an orphanage soon and bring home more brothers and sisters." If you clicked the link above on Ebba's name, you may have noticed that their prayers were indeed answered. I don't know who is going for her, but a Ebba has been moved the the "My Family Found Me" page of Reece's Rainbow. I should admit that I'm heartbroken. That little girl has my heart. I'm so happy for her too! Soon, she will have a family.
- Some great news is that my intense desire that is refueled each day by my children who also have a desire to help orphans find families, has found an avenue to make a change. We don't have funds to help someone, and I thought we didn't have anything we could donate. However, as we have been in the process - a very long one - of moving to a larger home, I've found that there are things I don't use. So, we have found 2 families to whom we can donate our unused items. It has helped me to let go of some things that take up space in our home but really aren't needed, and it has helped us all give and help an orphan get a family. My children were so very generous with their toys when they went through them. It was nice to see them give what they didn't want. But, they also gave what they wanted. I asked them why, and H and S said "Because I was hungry at the orphanage, and I could not get more food. I prayed for a momma to help me. People gave to you, and you came to get us. So, I can give to them, and this boy doesn't have to be hungry any more."
- Homeschooling is going rather smoothly. I prayed for so long for God's help, and he provided different curriculum. One very helpful one is online. Everyone is eager for me to sign their paper, stating that they completed their school day. We usually do 2 "school days" per day with the earlier grades. We were struggling with our older American born girlie. A stated she didn't like learning, and I could tell. I'd ask her a question, and she'd just stare at something. I asked her if she wanted to attend school somewhere. She said no. She told me how she just wanted to be a "stay-at-home" momma, so she didn't need to learn anything. So, while I am thankful that I must make this look so very easy (so not true - I struggle), we have had mini discussions since then of the amount of thinking and the number of "hats" I wear in any given day. Some "hats" I wear are fun, some heavy and difficult, some light and easy, but all require some bit of schooling from years past and certainly a great level of thinking. Afterall, I manage 9 people with all sorts of backgrounds and personalities, direct a school, and run every household activity, while maintaining a relationship with the Almighty and being a supportive helper to my husband.
- Last week we were out shopping, and we decided to eat out with some free kids's meal coupons that were given to us. We were flooded with compliments from servers and customers, some of whom had actually rolled their eyes when we walked in. Some asked how we do it, and we tried to give words of encouragement to them in their own families. When we went shopping for food, we were once again showered with compliments. It was a pretty bad day, when considering the behaviors of some, and one lady said, "But no one would know when they look at you talk to your children and remind them what to do." One man got our attention and asked if we were one family. I assured him that we are. He said, "Some will look at you, and they won't realize the level of work you do in a day. They don't realize that all 9 have different personalities, and you have to manage that. It's a very tough job. It's very hard, but also very rewarding. You keep doing that. You're doing a good thing, but people won't always see that when you are working differently with different personalities. They don't know. But, I know. I know this is one of the hardest things. I know. And, you keep doing it." He walked away with his break in hand. Just 5 minutes later I headed to the potty, and I send 4 children over to the toilets. I decided to stand back a bit to give them a change to have proper behavior on the way to bathrooms. Three did quite well. One - and please note that this is my biological-identical-mini-me child - did not do so well. She had given us a hard time all day. We have 8 children who are strong willed, and this one is one of the strongest. She will do amazing things in her life, and I feel that strongly. Right now, our strong willed natures have occasional wrecks. She was pushing every one of her siblings for much of the day. We had tried everything with her that day, and when she threw her tantrum in front of the restroom (because she didn't want to go potty), her sisters tried to help her up. I had been through this several times that day, and I knew what she'd do if I went to her aid. She's go limp all over that dirty floor. She'd scream louder, and no good would come of it. So, I just stood there looking at her from a little distance. People passed her, and she stopped screaming eventually. Then, she saw me and started all over again. A lady came and picked her up. I said, "No thank you. She's mine." The lady proceeded to tell me what a terrible mom I am for not helping her up and for letting her cry. She told me how she knows because she has two children. She said that no mom should let their child cry, and that I should have picked her up and helped her. I was angry. I held my tongue and told her, "You have no idea. Please go on about your business." I said that several times as she kept telling me how she definitely knows because she has two children. Some of my children were in the meats section with Daddy, some were in the bathrooms, and 1 had gotten up from her tantrum and headed to the toilet as this lady was instructing me. I wish that I'd let her know how different our situation is from hers, let her know the changes that have come in the last year, let her know that not only have their been such drastic changes, but I know E to her core because we are so alike, and just let her know that they are all so very different and need different ways to get to their hearts. For me (and also for E), when we are angry and butting up against authority, we need that authority to sometimes (not always) love us from a distance and let us reflect inward. Chris reminded me of what the man in the bread section had shared with us. It was as if God prepared my response to this lady, but I was so angry and could only hold my tongue in that moment. She didn't know. As we were finished with the bathrooms and headed through the registers, we were asked questions. The lady bagging said, "Thanks, babe." to one of our boys. He loudly asked me why she called him babe when he isn't a baby. I explained to him, then told her why that confused him and about the language barrier that we are passing through. The lady who had confronted me by the bathrooms was at the register behind us. So, I hope she got a little idea of the challenges that we've all faced in the last year. If not, at least she heard little E say, "Momma, I'm sorry that I have not been loving to anyone today. I'm sorry that I pushed my sisters and that I did not want to obey anything you said. And, I'm sorry that I screamed when I didn't want to go pee. You are a good Momma, and I love you...even when I act like that...I still love you, ok?" She sure has a cute way with words for a 4 year old. And, I'm glad the distance I gave her to figure out some things, worked. But, it was hard to back away, and even harder to take the verbal beating from the lady who "just wanted to help."
- This past Wednesday we were in town, and I knew we should be getting tires and an oil change to keep our family safe and keep the big bus running smoothly. We stopped at Walmart because it's just so convenient, and we were quoted a price for tires. Then we went shopping for printer paper, coffee creamer, and a gift for a neighbor's little girl's upcoming birthday party. We were called back to the automotive area to be told the tires were actually more expensive but they would try to get us a discount. I expressed that a discount would be very appreciated. While walking away, a couple approached us and asked if we had enough money. I said that we make it, but we will need to pay with a credit card, then try to sell things to make up for the cost of the tires. She asked if we needed help, and I shared that we do. But I also said that God always provides. I shared that He provided $50,000 to adopt our 5 last year, and He provided presents and food this Christmas. We found out that we each go to the same church. Our church is large, so we had never met before. She said they'd like to help us, and they would go talk with the people at the automotive department. When it was time to check out, it wasn't very expensive. I told the cashier that I think she may have missed ringing up the tires and oil change. She said, "No, ma'am. Someone already paid for it all." Wow! Can you believe that!? And the timing was incredible, as I nearly went home because of some behaviors in some of my children. I thought a nap would do them good, but I decided that the tires and oil change were very needed. So, we went. I'm SO thankful that we did, and grateful for the help this couple gave our family. It was a gift of more than $500! The next gift came when I saw the relief this brought my husband when I told him. He was so amazed, and he had some extra pep in his step. He works 2 jobs to keep us going. We are trying to stay out of credit card debt and please the Lord with our finances. He works very hard serving our family this way, and I was very blessed to see the weight this gift lifted from him.
- Also this month, for some reason, 3 of our children have been struggling to be calm and loving. Love - it's the one rule of our house. Every negative behavior comes from a lack of it to some degree, it seems. Our newest oldest child prayed that God would help her obey Momma; then she said, "Momma, you know why I first obey you when I come here, but now I not obey you?" I told her that I didn't, but from our training and articles that I've read all along, I do know a bit of why. I just can't really explain it to her. Even if she were fluent in English, it's just a difficult thing for her to understand. I told her that we all mess up, and she just has to keep trying. I told her that I'd keep reminding her. I told her how I'd remind her, and I said, "And one day you will get it. You can do it, and I'll help."
That's this month in a nutshell. We're 7 months home from Ukraine with our sibling group of 5, and the kids are pretty much speaking English. We are struggling to get rid of the word "etta" which means "this/that." In general, we are back to an English speaking home. Our youngest just "flipped" in the last week from Russian to English and began speaking English. He understood it, just didn't speak it. I'm not sure if we are normal or not, but it feels just right!