For those who have asked, it is because of this loss that my kids asked not to foster again. Lili, our adopted daughter, feared she would have to leave because our fostered children left. Jadon asked, "Daddy, do brother's always leave?" Elisa struggles to let anyone sleep in her Jolee's bed, and on our vacation to the beach, Abi said, "I sure wish they were here. They would have really liked the shells and star fish." When they see children that look like their former brother and sisters, they stare and hurt because they miss them. We wanted to honor their request to not foster, but we also told them that we needed to hear from God before we close our home to fostering. Our two daughters clearly agreed that we needed to wait to see what God had planned.
This same fostering of 3 little ones is what opened our eyes to what God has planned for our lives - a large family. After our kids went to live with their mother, we went on vacation to bond and heal. I had always searched for "special needs" children trying to determine which need was something our family could do. Chris and I never felt unified when we would discuss particular children and/or needs. At the end of our vacation, we realized there was one "special need" that we felt confident in - sibling groups. Chris told me to keep looking for children in need of a home, specifically larger sibling groups that would be harder to place. We have biological children, so having a child wasn't our only purpose of adopting. We want to give a home to ones that might not ever have the chance to have one. I came home from vacation and started to keep my eyes open for a sibling group, and found one - our 5 from Eastern Europe. I emailed Chris the picture and their ages, and I honestly thought that he'd think they weren't the ones for us for one reason or another...mainly because that would cause us to have 9 kids. I'm good with that, but one has to take into account that I've had cancer. I've considered that I might not live any longer. I've considered that the weeks and months of activities that I have planned may never happen, that I may not get to see my children grow, I may not get to get frustrated with them when they become teens, I may never see them get married or hold their hands as they have their first child. Then, God did something amazing and worked through cancer to help me find my cure - full reliance on God, complete trust in Him. So, yes, I love the idea of being surrounded by children, serving them, teaching them because there was a time when I didn't have the energy to do it, when I didn't think I would be around to do it in the future. However, I thought Chris, being the "bread winner" may or may not agree. Through God, Chris replied that we should pursue adoption. And, we have. This past spring the song of my heart was: Help Me Find It by Sidewalk Prophets
While the cost of our adoption as well as the amount of paperwork can become overwhelming, it's good to know we are on God's path for our lives.