So, here I am, up before the sun rises and giving my firsts to the Lord. I came across a scripture that spoke to me. I'd like to share it:
Proverbs 3:7-8 (AMP)
7 Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil.
8 It shall be health to your nerves and sinews, and marrow and moistening to your bones.
I've been sick for months - first, I had morning sickness that lasted all day. I expected that, so it wasn't a huge deal. And since Dec. 14th, I've had a sinus infection/head cold that made my head feel like it would burst. About 2 weeks ago, I got either bronchitis or the flu or both (this in addition to the sinus thing that wouldn't end) - it zapped me! I thought I was getting over it, but then it got worse again. And, now I think I'm "getting over it" again - we'll see how it goes. Just a minute - I feel a sneeze coming on...
By this time, I'm a bit cranky and over being sick. I got hissy with God yesterday, and, in good Job style, let God know it.
Since my fit, I've been wondering how I went through cancer with a smile on my face (and in my heart - mind you - because I'm not any good at faking that stuff). I never missed Bible study OR church, even when my white count was so low they wanted to hospitalize me. Here I am with a "normal" sickness that many have faced this winter, and I've missed church 1 time (but would have missed more if Chris hadn't said we were definitely going). I've stepped out of a lot of things, including Bible study, because I have no joy right now. I've been searching for it, wondering what is stealing it. I even canceled Facebook - imagine that! Today I actually think the Lord answered my prayer with this scripture and the inspiring thoughts that followed it. Cancer didn't take my joy because in that journey I lost all of my strength in the beginning and allowed God's strength to come in, in full force. The enemy had no crack through which to snatch my joy. This "normal" winter time sickness did take my joy because during it, I tried to remain strong out of my own strength alone. Therefore, the enemy found a huge opening in which he was able to steal it. During cancer, chemo, and radiation, I was not wise in my own eyes. I feared and worshiped the Lord. I turned away from any evil there was in me and allowed the Lord to do with cancer and my life whatever He could. This was accomplished by simply giving it all over to God in my weakness. The enemy couldn't take my joy then because he wasn't allowed to take it. I didn't expect anything from God, but He wowed me with that journey. Here I am in this little, dinky sickness, and I demand healing. I lack a fear and reverence to our mighty God, and I've stopped getting up in the morning to worship Him because I value my health over my quiet time with the Lord. Yet, Who is this One who is over my health? And now, I'm stuck in this sickness.
This reminds me of last week when I was talking to dad about my being sick. I told him I was done. He shared with me a few sermons he'd listened to lately. One sermon was on the man with the withered hand in Matthew. The man with a withered hand reached out to Jesus who then makes him whole. Dad told me that we reach out in our weakness, not our strengths, and God makes us whole. Then he shared with me another sermon from Daniel 3. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were bound and thrown into the fire. Yet, the king saw 4 men in that fire, UNBOUND. God used the fire to unbind them, and they walked out of a blazing trial completely free. When dad shared this with me, God immediately spoke to my heart, "The fire you are going through will unbind you, and I will use it to set you free."
With all that I've been through with God, I should have known this would come full circle, that He had some good in this sickness. Today, I think I know what it is: He humbled me. He removed some sin in my life - one of them known as pride. How is it that pride gets in so easily, even when we are watching for it. Well, it doesn't matter. God's got my back, even when this pregnant woman gets hissy and demanding with Him.
I am persuaded that THIS must have been what's been leaving that gaping hole, allowing the enemy to keep stealing my joy all along. Oh, the sins that so easily entangle us.
Hebrews 12:1 (AMP)
12 Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us,
This makes me think of how I got upset at my wonderful husband the other day. It didn't last long, and I apologized for being upset. He pulled me closer to him (because he hadn't stopped holding me since he noticed I was upset), and said, "I will never let you go, never. I'm going to hold you and love you no matter what." And, once again, I felt like God was speaking through him, telling me, "Brooke, you are upset with Me, but I'm not letting go of you. Never. I'm going to hold you and love you no matter what."
Who else needs to know that God is not letting go of them? Despite the sin that so easily entangles us, God is going to hold you and love you no matter what.
Romans 8:38-39 The Message
So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.