"I HOPE those are NOT ALL your CHILDREN!" yelled loudly from the other end of the office filing room. My reply: "Why YES, they are ALL MY BLESSINGS!" exactly like how she yelled it.
"THOSE can't all go back with you, you know. I will watch them in the waiting room. AND THEY WILL be good because they don't want to have to mess with ME." I just stared at her.
Someone said, "WOW - so many children here at once!" in a sweet tone. The woman who said the other comments said, "I KNOW! They are COMING OUT OF THE WALLS! RUN for your life!" She got a not happy look down from me, and she backed off.
"How do you ever get anything done with all these KIDS WITH you. I can't go to Walmart or Kroger with just 2, I." It wasn't a question.
"OH MY GOD, WHERE did they all come from?! AH!" To which my Lili with lots of pride, gently taps each one on the head and proclaims, "Ukraine, Momma's belly, Ukraine, Ukraine, Pennsylvania, Ukraine, Momma's belly, Momma's belly, and Ukraine. That's WHERE."
All of this and more said while everyone watched my kids read books and share them with one another midst the stares of 5 or so women as if they were some sort of exhibit. Later I vented to someone and mentioned that my children and our family are just like everyone else's. We go to the zoo and parks together and while Chris is at work. We do get full nights rest. We all go to doctors and dentist visits together, except for mine because I can't watch my kids and have my teeth looked at. We are all go to the store together. I have to maintain their calm, but I had to do that with 2, 4, and now 9. I know my children, so I remind them of what they specifically need to work on. We have a "system." So, in reality, my children may be more calm in Sam's, Walmart, and Kroger because with this many people in the aisle at once, we just have to be. We do more things than I ever did with 1 or two children because I'm able to handle it because I've adjusted and grown. From what I can tell, the number of children isn't what is difficult. But, the problem has always been me and my selfishness. Each day I learn to lay down my life as Christ calls us to. In laying down my life, forgetting about having nicely clean clothes because sticky little hands need me, forgetting about so much "me" time because my children eagerly await my return, exiting Facebook, eBay, pinterest, and whatever other site has my attention because there are sweet little children who have a worm and a snail they are so excited over, putting aside a career because I want to know the person who is the main influence in my children's lives, putting aside a new car and new shoes and accepting clothing donations because we believe children are the true blessings in life. So, in 8 years of being a mommy...in the many ways I've been a mommy (giving birth, adopting and fostering), I have grown. In that growth, selfishness needed to find the door, and the Holy Spirit has had some room to do some over hauling.
Having 9 children felt difficult at first. There were tons of wonderful moments, but I could feel that I was being squeezed far too much. In that time, God showed me some things I should let go. Good things, but not good for us right now. And there's another thing that will be leaving in a month. As I learned to give myself to more consistent prayer to my Father, my peace and joy returned in a very short time, and I feel far happier in my family life, in my role as Mom, as a wife, than I did with 1, 2, 3, or 4 children. I don't feel drained or frazzled. Well - some days I do, but those days are the days that I - notice it has nothing to do with the number of children - have not stopped what I'm doing to put God first in the day that He has given me.
A good friend once told me that when it's her roughest day with her children and undesirable behaviors, she will notice that she is partly to "blame," that she was stressed about something or having an "off" day. I understood what she was saying at the time, but I didn't fully GET it until now. My children just might know me better than I know me. When something has me concerned, my kids just won't be themselves. When I'm in need of some prayer time and reading God's Word, I will have less of what I need for my kids that day, and they feel the effects of that.
Psalm 127 (HCSB)
Psalm 127
The Blessing of the Lord
A Solomonic song of ascents.
1 Unless the Lord builds a house,
its builders labor over it in vain;
unless the Lord watches over a city,
the watchman stays alert in vain.
2 In vain you get up early and stay up late,
working hard to have enough food--
yes, He gives sleep to the one He loves.[a]
3 Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord,
children, a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the sons born in one’s youth.
5 Happy is the man who has filled his quiver with them.
Such men will never be put to shame
when they speak with their enemies at the city gate.
While we were eating at Mcallisters (all 9 kiddos ate for free), I ordered and they didn't believe I had nine children with me because they were so quiet. He said, "We really notice when two kids come in because of the level of noise, but I didn't hear you all come in. How can that be?" Then near the end of dinner last night, a grandpa aged man said he can get annoyed when young ones are in restaurants because they are usually so loud, making all kinds of chaos. But, he said, "The children you have with you are so pleasant to watch." Chris said, "This is our family." The man was surprised that they weren't some sort of dance or sport team, but he showed awe and said we were blessed. And then I left this same day of hearing so much negativity then a little positive, and I headed to Bible study. And, it's just like God to have this all planned out. We discussed the value of mom being at home and how our children are EACH miracles. So, please do look at our family in awe and wonder because they are each blessings and miracles from our Creator. No one can help me see the beauty in the cracks of life like these little ones can. I mean that literally. From millipedes to frogs to worms and beetles - I just pass them by, but they help me to explore life in more detail. Each of their personalities bringing such value and fun to our family. I'm so thankful for them.
And - well - I guess I'm thankful for those at the doctor's office too. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't' have gotten so upset...then pondered it all day...and wrote about it just now. In doing so, I've encouraged myself for the day and reminded myself why I do what I do....and why I don't do some things too. In an hour my little blessings will be starting a new day of exploring, and I get a front row seat to 9 entirely different people with completely different stories and far too much tragedy in their young lives. Yet, I get to watch them grow, watch them all help each other, watch God redeem. I like my spot. I didn't plan this, as I always hoped for 3 to 5 children. And, I have no idea how many children we will have. I just know I like the plan that God has for me, and I am encouraged when others see the beauty from my spot in the world.