For most of my life, I didn't know I had such a strong personality. I knew I am an introvert, and I thought that meant that I am shy, unable to lead, backward, and so on along those lines. Then I became the director of an educational co-op. I had to lead or try to lead very established leader personalities who have been leading their children, their schools, and the co-op for many years. I saw a side of me that I didn't know. It took me a while to get a handle on this bolder, head strong me. It was good (while not good in some ways) because, while I knew I had a head strong little go-getter in my household, I didn't know that God was going to give me 5 more, and that those 5 would then bring out some strong willed, leader qualities in my original 4 children too. All 9 of my older kids are strong willed, while 2 are secretly so, there's 1 that trumps the rest...amazingly. She is my mini-me. The strength in her personality lays me flat some days. But, then there are days like today. I asked who left the chick's cage open. She did not hesitate to bravely and boldly raise her hand and say in a strong yet regretful voice, "I did it, Mom. I was the last one with the chicks." I told her she did wrong and why. That little one stood there with such bravery as she accepted what I had to say. After several days of lie after lie after lie for the simplest things, I am refreshed with such bold honesty, even though she thought she would get into trouble for it. I explained how extremely pleased I was that she was brave and bold enough to tell me the truth not even one second after I asked the question. While I see why God showed me my leadership traits, my own bold personality, I didn't really like that side of me. That mixed with my ever so fiestiness isn't always a good combination. But, it's this bold leadership trait that had brought me and my family through so much - cancer, a country at war to bring home 5 children, then to train those 5 in addition to our American born children, homeschooling with 10 children in 4 different grades, and so much more. Makes me smile when I think of my mini-me going into the world someday, with the power of God in her, achieving great things that only her brave, bold, and honest personality can.
After the lies from some of our kids, it was refreshing to hear the bold truth. I just love the truth. In fact, the lack of truth is what makes me avoid friendships, I think. Anyway...that's probably a whole 'nother issue...
The truth is, though, that after posting that, something pretty amazing happened. I had sang and prayed for each of my children, had turned the eggs that we are attempting to hatch in our incubator, had taken my vitamin and was ready for bed...when I heard this faint, "Mommy...Mommy....Mommy" coming from somewhere. It was faint and difficult to tell which bedroom it was coming from. It wasn't from any of the girls rooms, and when I found it was one of the boys rooms, I heard my Jadon gently calling for me. I thought he was dreaming. I slowly opened the door and whispered to him. His tummy was hurting. After checking it, I decided to give him some medicine. We went upstairs. He told me he thought he was probably fine, we prayed, and he went back to bed. I didn't hear any more from him until morning time, at which he told me that the pain was gone. He told me that he was hurting after I left, Jonathan had prayed for him, and he wasn't having any more pain. I love Jonathan's passion, his loving personality, the way he loves on me. I especially love how he longs to care for his baby brother. If left to Jonathan, Samuel would be an even fatter baby. Why, you ask? Because no one makes sure I stay on top of Samuel's feedings like Jonathan. But some days he struggles, and these struggles are rooted in his hurtful past. To be honest, we've struggled with honesty lately, and I wonder if we are making the kind of progress we want to make in him...in all of our children. We want to reach their hearts. Well, today, I think we might have a glimpse into the progress we are hoping to make. Jonathan prayed for his hurting brother. He prayed to the Living God. I think we are making progress!
Oh, but just in case anyone thinks we think we have "got it all together", we are well aware that we don't and may never have all our "ducks in a row." How do we know? Well, we had one of our daughters try a bout of manipulation like you wouldn't believe. Notice I said she TRIED. There is a reason I have such manipulative tendencies. God is using my manipulation tactics from back when I was an only child...and the tendencies I fight off even now. There is no manipulation except that which is common to this Momma. My dear daughter broke out into tears when I called out her manipulation to try to get to sleep in the same room with another of her sisters. It was oh-so-clever, I must give her credit. But, not quite enough to get by this gal. Please read this paragraph with a certain sense of sarcasm, as I very much dislike that I battle selfish ways of manipulation to get what I want. And, while we have made tons of progress - thanks be to our amazing God for helping us with that progress in our childrens' hearts - we are still battling for the heart of our children.
Two steps forward, one step back...
I'm just glad we are taking more steps forward than we are back.